Mary (Attended “the Enthusiastic Yes” workshop)

“I just wanted to say that I’ve been thinking a lot about what you covered in your workshop lately – I thought it was helpful at the time but it’s become so much more important to how I’ve been thinking than I originally realised. I’ve had 3 interactions lately that have been effected by the workshop. In the first, we hooked up once, and then I wanted to pursue things further, and he didn’t. His response was very defensive, but while my response in the past would have been to try and hide how I felt and ‘be cool’, I realised that communicating clearly would be much more helpful (if a bit scary), and told him exactly what I was feeling, and also accepted what he was saying and that it was totally fine. What could have become a very confusing and unhappy situation was cleared up just by me being honest with him, and making him be honest with me (he was really struggling to for a while). In the second, I was kissing a guy, and he wanted to go further and I didn’t, and in the past I would have made excuses for why I didn’t want to, or even in some cases gone further than I wanted to just because I didn’t know how to say no. But in this case, I just told him that I didn’t want to do any more than kiss, and it was so empowering! In the third, the whole thing was so lovely and consensual, but something I’d been thinking about lately was that I need to think more about consent on my part – I’d kinda assumed in the past that guys would always be up for anything because they tend to have a much higher libido and less fear than I do…but I’ve realised that I cannot assume that, so in this interaction I was making sure to wait for the Enthusiastic Yes (as he was also doing) and it just made the whole experience SO good and safe and sexy and happy. So I want to say thank you so much, it was really valuable”.